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music, the internet, small v big bands, etc.
I have been listening to a lot of mainstream music lately. I used to listen to more indie bands and smaller artists that would never be heard on the radio or anything like that. I think that listening to more mainstream music has definitely inspired the way I write songs and this new album is a perfect example of that. I haven’t made anything close to a top 40 style album, but if you look back I was way more experimental when I was 16 and 17.
look at kanye west. he is giving out music for free on the Internet just like me. that would have never happened a few years ago from any big artist, I don’t think. it’s awesome that he is doing that and he has every right to and is probably gaining fans from it, but I am kind of like, what are small bands going to do now? is free music directly from the band cool anymore? or is it becoming expected now? and if someone can go and download kanye tracks for free, why would they bother with eaux neaux tracks? before it was if you were big you had a record label and put out CDs through that. if you were small you had a myspace and put up free mp3s. now it feels like all musicians everywhere are in the same pond and it’s scary! how am I supposed to grasp the attention of anyone? has the Internet become too big? is it now going to hurt small bands because anyone with GarageBand and a keyboard can make an album? by the way I love kanye west and see him as one of the leaders in the game at the moment and that’s why I used him as an example.
I think paying so much attention to people like kanye and also others like skream and benga who aren’t exactly mainstream but have definitely “made it” has kind of mindfucked me. I find myself wanting desperately to be in that position even though that’s just not really what I do. back when I listened to nothing but xiu xiu and Barr and Casiotone for the painfully alone it actually felt like I made similar tunes and therefore stood a chance at finding an audience. and those guys, as far as I know, do or have made a living off of their music, which is obviously the goal here. they aren’t as big as kanye and aren’t on radio 1 like skream and benga but they were making their own kind of music and it was providing for them. I wanted that so badly and I had confidence that I could achieve it. something where i would have to tour all year to survive but that is living the dream. I never wanted to be as big as la roux but now I find myself idolizing not the famous artists but just their fame itself.
it’s obvious that I have a long way to go. my last album misery swimmingpool has gotten roughly 110 downloads since it was released in February. considering the effort I out into it that’s pretty frustrating. it’s also super fucking frustrating to see some big artist post a random status on facebook and watch it get 600 “likes” and my entire album only gets 110 downloads? you know it’s free right?? it says name your price but you can put a zero in there and get it free.
and that’s the problem, that I’m not patient. is that a problem? obsessed with these pop stars who go from rags to riches over night. I know damn well I’m going to have to fight and claw my way into any sort of good position in the world of music because my songs are about teenage heartbreak and self pity and there is no demand for that. where is everyone else like me? lightspeed champion just put out a free online EP called Icky Pasta and the title track has lyrics like ones that I might write. so I’m not the only one! where is everyone else though??
I’m going to start playing live shows around London soon. everybody says that playing live is the key, even though I kind of disagree. I am much more likely to hear of a band if they have an online presence than if they play a show in my city. and London (not the uk one) isn’t a huge city. and my songs don’t even translate well live because there’s only one of me. fuck!!! but I will do it because that’s the point.
logically i know that in 10 years I will probably be head first in a career that I fucking hate and in exactly the same position musically that I’m in right now. either that or I will die of cancer because I’m too afraid to go to the doctor.
the lower your expectations, the worse it feels when you meet them.
